Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish you could order shots online.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
