walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
