she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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