Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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