I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
