it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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