Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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