I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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