I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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