I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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