Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
