I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
