I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
