mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
