Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
