Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
