I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
