please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
