WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
