I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
