I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
