Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
