Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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