im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
