Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
