Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
