I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
