he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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