Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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