So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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