Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
