My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize