Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
bring money and cleavage
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
