what day is it and did you see me today?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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