we have officially lost it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
