I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
