I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
