Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
