i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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