Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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