for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
