Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
