It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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