i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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