I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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