Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
