I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
