maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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