Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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