No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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