I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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