My nipple is on Facebook.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
