He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Drunk is a universal language darling
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
