we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
