Sry I called you an 8
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
