I think i sorta joined a cult last night
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
