break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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