if i can run in heels then i can drive
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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