Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
if only i could text you this smell
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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