She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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