so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
