I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
