Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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