I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
