So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
