Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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