I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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