Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm getting married
To pizza
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
