Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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