the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
