chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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