i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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