I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
