omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
