So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
