3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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