it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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