I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
