my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
