if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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