My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
