so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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