I just gift wrapped bread.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
